Shattered

In the aftermath of another school shooting, I’m struggling to craft a single coherent sentence. And really, what is there to say? Sometimes – truly – there are no words.

Only anguish…

Anger…

Desperate cries… and wordless prayers.

How – for heaven’s sake, how – are we here again? Horrific accounts from Minneapolis engulf our screens, assault our senses. They shock and shatter us afresh.

More bloodied bodies, more broken hearts.

When will it end?

God only knows.

I hear demands for stricter gun laws and cries for crisis management task forces and pleas for proper diagnosis and treatment of the mentally ill. (And I echo all of those appeals. Please, somebody, do something to reverse this heinous cycle of madness!)

But deep down I fear it’s only going to get worse.

No amount of medication, education, or legislation is going to bring a full stop to this senseless violence. Even our brightest, bravest and best can’t restrain this brand of evil. The bloodthirsty will remain so. Because they believe it’s their only chance at ____________ (fill in the blank: retaliation, notoriety, vengeance, or sadly, simply… significance).

Maybe they (the shooter) suffered a psychotic break. Or maybe they were bullied. Or traumatized beyond belief. Maybe they suffered from persecutory delusions. Or maybe their demons simply overtook them. (Perhaps all of the above.)

I cannot venture to guess how – in just 23 years – this former student morphed into a real-life monster. Shattering windows and lives. Shooting children during a back-to-school prayer service. Unleashing hell on earth.

It’s a mystery. A million-piece puzzle. A wide-awake nightmare.

Last night, as I listened to witnesses describe the carnage, I felt physically sick. Violence goes viral. Again. But the relative detachment with which some reporters relayed the events was almost as unsettling as the images of the crime scene itself.

I’m guessing “seasoned” journalists would insist they’re doing their job well – without inserting themselves “into” the story. And perhaps psychologists would interpret their matter-of-fact accounts as evidence they were operating on auto-pilot: they hadn’t yet processed what took place at Annunciation Catholic School just hours before. But I wonder. Have we revisited this terrible place (the aftermath of another deadly attack – the 44th school shooting in the US this year) so many times, that we are becoming collectively desensitized? Do active shooters punctuate our modern history as routinely as terminal diagnoses and deadly tornadoes? Is the compulsion to kill becoming as potent as the lure of opiods and porn? Countless, chilling questions.

I don’t have any answers. (I’m not even smart enough to identify the full scope of the problem.)

But here’s what I know:

In this world of constant connectivity, people are shockingly, desperately lonely. They may have 1500 followers on Instagram, but they feel utterly alone.

We’ve become a society of increasingly isolated (and as a result, agitated, anxious, depressed) individuals. One by one, we’re deserting each other. And solitary is no way to live.

Alone can turn… tragic… at the pull of a trigger. Or the gulp of some pills.

We were made to relate, collaborate, comfort and console each other. We’re meant for camaraderie, compassion, community.

What we all really want… is to be seen, heard, known, loved. We want to matter. We want our lives to mean something. So we spend them searching for significance.

But the thing is, we already have it.

Our worth is innate.

Because we were made in the very image of God.

We reflect Trinity:

Mind, Body, Spirit.

But without Him, we have no hope of being healthy and whole… physically, mentally or spiritually.

None.

You don’t have to believe me. But please don’t blame God for our manmade atrocities.

God is almighty, but He’s not a dictator. He doesn’t force His will on us. Instead He kindly bestows on us free will and the privilege of personal choice. We get to choose what, where, when, why and how we do what we do. We can choose – like Annunciation 8th-grader Javen Willis – to care and comfort, pray and protect.

“Right when it happened, I dropped down under the pew, like I said, and I prayed and I said my few prayers,” Willis, who was just baptized last week, said. “I realized I can’t just sit here and focus on myself knowing that with God on my side I would be fine, so I had to just go and help out my fellow classmates to try and keep them calm and safe and let them know that it’ll be OK.”

Like Javen, we get to choose.

Help… or harm. Right… or wrong.

And we’ve been up to (little or) no good, since the very beginning.

God saw that human evil was out of control. People thought evil, imagined evil—evil, evil, evil from morning to night. God was sorry that he had made the human race in the first place; it broke his heart. (Genesis 6:5-6, The Message)

It’s not just the murderers and the monsters that break God’s heart. We all do.

And He loves us still.

…Here is how God has shown his love for us. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8, NIRV)

The only innocent man who ever lived took the death sentence for the rest of us. Because that’s what love does.

There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. (John 15:13, NLT)

Jesus loves us.

Oh how He loves us.

Every single one of us. From north to south, east to west. From Columbine to Newtown. Nashville to Parkland. Uvalde to Minneapolis. The victims and families, teachers and students, first responders and reporters.

And yes… the shooter too.

I’ve read the end of the Book. And from what I can tell, things are gonna get a whole lot worse before they get better. But the Good News is just that…

Good.

For those who trust in the love and mercy of Jesus, heaven’s ahead.

Thank God.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth… And I heard a loud voice from the throne, saying, “Now God’s presence is with people, and he will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them and will be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death, sadness, crying, or pain, because all the old ways are gone.” ~ Revelation 21:1, 3-4 (NCV)

Some days, I just want to be done. Done with all the horror and heartache. Done with my own fear and failings. Done with the hardness of life… and the sting of death.

On those days – today – all I can do is just… cling.

Cling to heaven and hope.

And the One who promises both to every one who believes.

Wendy

P.S. In the aftermath of yet another tragedy, let’s resist the urge to politicize or point fingers. Let’s pray. Pull together. Give blood. Donate to the Red Cross. Thank our first responders… and our teachers. Email/call/text our representatives. And hug our kids… tight.