You’re Not a Victim
WHAT YOU AREN’T - Chapter 8
Horrific crimes are committed all over the world, day and night.
People hurt people (sometimes heinously), and the resulting trauma is real, lasting, devastating.* That's not what this chapter is about. This is not an attempt to dismiss or diminish anyone’s pain or suffering. Not at all.
This is about identity. Who we are isn’t determined by the sum of our experiences. You and I, we are masterpieces. We were lovingly, purposefully, exquisitely created by a brilliant Designer (God). Our identity is not dictated by our experiences. It isn’t something that can be “added to” or “subtracted from” by the good or bad things that happen to us.
People are victimized every day. Some grievously. Having been a victim, however, is altogether different than living an entire lifetime as a victim. Against all odds, some victims chart another path. An arduous path, to be sure. But a healthier, hopeful one. They pursue recovery through specialized healthcare, trauma therapy, support groups, prayer… and some are even able to do the seemingly impossible - forgiving those who violated them. Rather than blaming God for the evil inflicted on them, they lament their desolation... and look to him for consolation, restoration.
The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. (Psalm 34:17-18, NLT)
The impact and effects of trauma are extremely complex and require proper intervention and ongoing supports. As well as a Comforter/ Counselor/Advocate - God himself - to both tend the wounded and rightly judge the offender or perpetrator. (Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says the LORD.)
Those who have been brutally victimized will never forget, but by his restorative grace and peace, they can move past their trauma. Move forward.
So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18, MSG)
At our invitation, God becomes intimately involved in every effect, every aspect of our lives. He breathes life, health, strength inside us. Never forget…
God rescues the lost and raises the dead.
He retrieves what’s been stolen and restores what’s been shattered.
Sometimes instantly, miraculously. In other cases, over time, with his “unfolding grace.”
Either way, courageous souls can carry on free of a victim mindset and its limitations. These are the remarkable, scarred, but oh-so-beautiful people Henri Nouwen referred to as “wounded healers.”
What about the other “victims?” The self-proclaimed ones? You know what I mean. We’ve all met them. They always seem to draw the short straw. They’re quick to play the blame game. And they rarely take responsibility themselves.
A victim mentality can start almost imperceptibly. A young person tries to dodge responsibility (and consequences) for their words or actions, so they resort to blaming. Any problem or failure is someone else’s fault. Another person or an extenuating circumstance is always the culprit, not them.
And soon playing the victim becomes second nature.
A man who refuses to admit his mistakes can never be successful. But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance. (Proverbs 28:13, TLB)
It’s a losing proposition, playing the victim. It might work for a while, but eventually the gig is up. At some point (probably when you’re down and out) you’ll take a hard look at your mindset, habits and decisions, own your mistakes and accept the consequences. That’s called self-awareness. And it’s the first step to making changes for the better.
If instead, you choose to deny (or deflect) your culpability, your sin will plague you.
There is no peace in my bones because of my sin. My guilt has overwhelmed me. Like a heavy load, it is more than I can bear. (Psalm 38:3b-4, GW)
Sounds awful, doesn’t it? But there’s a remedy. Sweet relief. When we acknowledge our lousy choices, admit our mistakes, own our sin and selfishness, everything changes. God waits - with a heart full of love and mercy - to wash us clean.
God, be merciful to me because of your faithful love.
Because of your great compassion, erase all the wrongs I have done.
Scrub away my guilt.
Wash me clean from my sin.
I know I have done wrong.
I remember that sin all the time…
The sacrifice that God wants is a humble spirit.
God, you will not turn away someone who comes with a humble heart and is willing to obey you. (Psalm 51:1-3, 17, ERV)
I’m sorry.
When we say it and mean it, those two words become the most effective healing agent of all.
God is faithful and reliable. If we confess our sins, he forgives them and cleanses us from everything we’ve done wrong. (1 John 1:9, GW)
Emotional and spiritual maturity require honesty - with God, others, ourselves - and humility. (Both seem scarce these days.) Refusing to take responsibility for our words and actions is the mark of immaturity and a glaring indicator of pride. Trying to dodge consequences and blame others is cowardly and counterproductive… And terribly hypocritical.
And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye. (Matthew 7:3-5, NLT)
There’s a reason Jesus taught us to pray: Forgive us our debts... Because he wants us close. And we can’t have intimacy without honesty. We all doubt; we all disobey God. Can’t we just admit it? Humble confession invites God’s nearness, his comfort. And because he’s a faithful Father (whose mercies are new every morning), relief and restoration and joy follow.
And, hopefully, a heart full of gratitude.
We don’t have to live our lives as victims… when Jesus offers healing and hope.
We don’t have to use “victimhood” to dodge responsibility… when Jesus offers forgiveness and fresh starts.
We don’t have to surrender our future because of anything in our past. (Whether those injuries were inflicted upon us... or self-inflicted.)
Jesus said so.
A thief comes to steal and kill and destroy, but I came to give life - life in all its fullness. ~ John 10:10 (NCV)
Thank you, beautiful Savior/Redeemer/Healer/Friend.
Thank you.
Eucharisteo.
*NOTE: If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide or a mental health or substance use crisis, please call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline and speak with a trained crisis specialist.
Text copyright © 2026 by Wendy Beth Holtz
