You’re Not in Control

WHAT YOU AREN’T - Chapter 10

Ever met a control freak? They feverishly attempt to manage (or manipulate) circumstances and people in order to create a sense of order, safety, security… peace… for themselves. Control freaks are just regular people who resort to strategic domineering in an attempt to keep their own fears (big and small) at bay. 

Control freaks tend to be rigid, bossy, defensive, perfectionistic, moody, judgmental. We’ve all met a few, right?

Or maybe this description fits you. You’re the freak.

(Well… same.)

I’m a recovering control freak myself. 

Meaning, I know I have controlling tendencies and I’m genuinely seeking God’s help to mitigate them. Most of the time, my controlling behavior isn’t selfishly motivated or mean. It’s simply an effort to protect myself or a loved one from heartache or harm. To do so, I’ve resorted to bribery, guilt-tripping, triangulating and lying. 

I used to think of myself as “honest to a fault.” Which meant I could be relatively tactless (ok, brutal) with my honesty. But as the world has become increasingly volatile, I’ve realized there are some things I’ve outright lied about. 

True confession:

I have been - to varying degrees - lying to my children for a long time. 

At least since 9/11.

In the days and weeks after the attack on the World Trade Center in 2001, I told my older boys (then 7 and 10 years old) that they were safe. That Mommy and Daddy would do everything we could to protect them. That they shouldn't be afraid.

In hindsight, I see those statements for what they were: false, true (but not the whole truth), and ridiculous, respectively. (And yes, regrettably.)

It doesn't matter whether we live in Israel or Iran, Myanmar or Mexico, Syria or Somalia, Pakistan or Papua New Guinea, Belgium or Brazil; Ukraine or the US; we have to face the terrifying reality...

We aren't safe.

We have very little control. 

We can't always protect the people we love.

And there's a million reasons to be afraid. Very afraid.

The world is dangerous. Sometimes, insanely so. There are no real "safe zones" anywhere. (Even inside the womb.) And despite our best efforts to protect our children - car seats and sunscreen and safety locks and antibiotics and airbags and bug spray and bike helmets and content filters and floatation devices - we cannot always, entirely, eliminate harm/hurt/heartache/horror.  A baby monitor doesn't prevent SIDS. There's no vaccination against diabetes. Or depression. Even the latest and best auto safety features can't stop someone else from texting and T-boning your Civic. Or driving drunk.

In any given week, our newsfeed is littered with natural disasters, drug overdoses, terror attacks, disease, famine, war. 

It’s hard to wrap my mind around… especially when I see the story of a mama like me. And she just buried her baby.

Oh God...

Bad things happen every day. Sometimes horrific, unthinkable things. Marathon runners and concert goers and bus riders are blown to bits. Whole, healthy bodies are broken in car crashes and buried in rubble beneath bombed-out buildings. Gun violence mutates and spreads. Predators troll the internet. Vibrant, beautiful souls all over the world are struck by landmines and lightning and lashings and leukemia. The planet is tattered and battered by earthquakes and hurricanes and tornadoes and tsunamis. And the stark reality is there's little we can do to prevent any of it.

In any given life at any given time, chaos or calamity can come crashing in. A grim diagnosis or catastrophic storm, a freak accident or planned attack, grievous trauma or ghastly terror. Even if we successfully avoided all hazards and havoc, if we somehow averted every disease and natural disaster, by now we should know that we can't prevent violence. One human being against another.

Hand-to-hand hatred.

I don't understand all the psychology and neurology and environmental influences and developmental indicators. I am not a psychiatrist or sociologist or criminologist or counselor. I just know that somehow in some twisted, terrible way, people learn to bully and batter and brutalize. Simply because someone else is the "wrong" color or creed, sect or sex, race or religion, political party or immigration status or ________ (fill in the blank with any demographic we use to divide and conquer ourselves).

Whether or not we want to admit it, we are utterly incapable of eradicating every evil.

So what is a parent/protector/nurturer/news-interpreter-to-Bluey-viewers do? What do we tell our children? Or, more pointedly... what do we tell ourselves? How in the world do we make sense of senseless tragedy?

I don't have all the answers, that's for sure.

But I know I can't hide the truth from my kids any more than I could keep them from growing (and outgrowing their clothes every time I turned around). I can't explain away the ugly and angry and vile and venomous on the news or in the neighborhood. I can't promise safe and sound and warm and fuzzy all the time.

'Cause this ain't heaven.

In fact, it's a far cry.

Planet Earth can be pretty hellish. And to say otherwise is lying. Or certifiable delusion.

I don't know why God allows it. The evil, I mean. I like my freedom, don't get me wrong. But sometimes this whole "free will" thing goes awry. Heinously so.

I've heard the question a thousand times:

If God is good, why would He allow such savagery?

I could go on and on about the forces of evil and fall of the human race and God's inexplicable capacity for both immeasurable mercy and exacting justice (which is not yet fully and finally accomplished). I could try to explain the dichotomy of God's fervent hatred of evil and His fierce love for the evil-doer. A love that chases after and overtakes and overcomes and cries out that no one - regardless of the ferocity of their cruelty or the atrocities they commit or the blood they spill - is beyond redemption. (Because Jesus spilled His.)

But the simple answer to the question hanging in the air right now is...

I don't know.

But I do know this.

Jesus wept.

God isn't passive or stoic or distant. He comes near, crouches low, looks into the freshly dug grave... and looks into the anguished eyes of the grieving.

He sees. He knows. He empathizes, agonizes, embraces, consoles. And someday, somehow, He will make it better. Better than better.

New.

I saw a new heaven and a new earth. The first heaven and the first earth had disappeared, and so had the sea.  Then I saw New Jerusalem, the holy city, coming down from God in heaven. It was like a bride dressed in her wedding gown and ready to meet her husband.

I heard a loud voice shout from the throne:

God's home is now with his people. He will live with them, and they will be his own. Yes, God will make his home among his people.  He will wipe all tears from their eyes, and there will be no more death, suffering, crying, or pain. These things of the past are gone forever.

Then the one sitting on the throne said:

I am making everything new. Write down what I have said. My words are true and can be trusted. (Revelation 21:1-5, CEV)

Despite popular/modern/twisted theology, Jesus didn't promise health, wealth and prosperity on this planet. If He had, He'd have been proven a liar a long time ago. A perverse one at that.

Instead, He promised His presence. In the hardest, darkest, bleakest, bloodiest places. In war zones and prisons and ERs and slums, in classrooms and detainment centers, at crime scenes... and gravesites.  He groans and grieves with us. He is near.

And one day, He will put an end to the terror and horror and hate.

Joy to the world... the LORD will come again. And He will start fresh.

Death will die. And we will finally live - fully, forever - in Peace.

But for now, you and I ought to acknowledge that we have very little control over outcomes… or others. We can’t manage natural disasters. We can’t manipulate foreign dictators. And we can’t “manifest” anything that God hasn’t ordained. 

God is in charge. 

Fully.

Firmly.

Forever.

And while mere mortals often don’t understand his ways or means, we can choose to trust him - even when it feels like the world is spinning out of control. 

Who else has held the oceans in his hand?
    Who has measured off the heavens with his fingers?
Who else knows the weight of the earth
    or has weighed the mountains and hills on a scale?

Who is able to advise the Spirit of the Lord?
    Who knows enough to give him advice or teach him?

Has the Lord ever needed anyone’s advice?
    Does he need instruction about what is good?
Did someone teach him what is right
    or show him the path of justice?

No, for all the nations of the world
    are but a drop in the bucket.
They are nothing more
    than dust on the scales.
He picks up the whole earth
    as though it were a grain of sand…

“To whom will you compare me?
    Who is my equal?” asks the Holy One.

Look up into the heavens.
    Who created all the stars?
He brings them out like an army, one after another,
    calling each by its name.
Because of his great power and incomparable strength,
    not a single one is missing. (Isaiah 40:12-15, 25-26, NLT)

God’s got this. 

And God’s got us. 

Now I’m not saying that we should sit around and do nothing. Or wander aimlessly through life with the mindset that “I don’t have any control so why bother?” There are things we can control. Effort. Attitude. Words. Actions. Reactions. We make decisions every day that impact both our relationships and our life’s trajectory. And we need God’s help to make the right ones because… 

What you think is the right road may lead to death. (Proverbs 14:12, GNT)

God, help us!

We need to pray… and put God first. 

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.

In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6, AMPC)

We can count on God to be Who he says he is. 

Helper.

Comforter.

Counselor.

Healer.

Protector.

Provider.

Peace.

We can count on God to do what he says he’ll do. 

Forgive.

Guide.

Shield.

Rescue.

Redeem.

Refresh.

Bless.

Remember the first events, because I am God, and there is no other.

I am God, and there’s no one like me.

From the beginning I revealed the end. From long ago I told you things that had not yet happened, saying, “My plan will stand, and I’ll do everything I intended to do.”

I will call a bird of prey from the east. I will call someone for my plan from a faraway land.

I have spoken, and I will bring it about. I have planned it, and I will do it. (Isaiah 46:9-11, GW)

The incredible thing about this life of faith is that God invites us to be part of his plan. He wants to do amazing things in us, for us… even through us. There is no higher privilege and no greater adventure.

Remain in me, and I will remain in you. A branch can’t produce fruit by itself, but must remain in the vine. Likewise, you can’t produce fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, then you will produce much fruit. Without me, you can’t do anything. (John 15:4-5, CEB)

Remember this sweet little children’s song? I love you… a bushel and a peck… a bushel and a peck… and my arms around your neck? God loves you/me/us bushels and bushels. Countless bushels! He loves us so profoundly that he sent Jesus to graft us in, grow us to maturity and produce a bountiful harvest of spiritual fruit.

Love.

Joy.

Peace.

Patience.

Kindness.

Goodness.

Gentleness.

Faithfulness.

Self-control.

(The sweetest and best blessings. Bushels and bushels.)

But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and has made the Lord his hope and confidence. He is like a tree planted along a riverbank, with its roots reaching deep into the water—a tree not bothered by the heat nor worried by long months of drought. Its leaves stay green, and it goes right on producing all its luscious fruit. (Jeremiah 17:7-8, TLB)

Want to know the secret to a successful (blessed and fruitful) life? 

Trust and obey. 

Trust God. Take him at his Word. Do what he says. 

Don’t believe everything you see/hear/think. 

Believe him instead.

You can control how fervently - and how often - you pursue God’s heart by spending time in his presence. Dig into God’s word, pour out your heart in prayer… and watch what happens.

Now, friend…

Get growing!

Godspeed.

Text copyright © 2026 by Wendy Beth Holtz