You’re Not Unlovable (or Unloved)

WHAT YOU AREN’T - Chapter 5

I love you.

Three simple words… but what do they mean, really? If you ask a hundred people, it’s likely no two answers will be identical. 

It’s not really the words that mean so much to us; it’s the active “loving” that backs them up. And when the actions don’t back up the words, well, that’s when our hearts get hurt. (Or shattered.)

There’s a reason love inspires lyrics. Songwriters - like the rest of us - know that love is the main thing. The thing that makes life meaningful, beautiful. Full of wonder and comfort and joy. 

But what happens when we aren’t sure we’re loved? 

Or even lovable? 

That’s when the world begins to lose its color and we begin to lose our bearings, question our identity, diminish our worth.

Ever felt that way? Like nobody loves you. Or even worse, you’re… unlovable.

And if that’s the case, there must be some reason, right?

You think you don’t measure up maybe. In some particular category that some people deem critical, desirable, and valuable: attractiveness/intelligence/artistic ability/athleticism/wealth/personality/popularity/education/career/success/morality/_____ fill in the blank.

The bottom line?

You’re not enough.

Or maybe you’re too much.

You’re screwed up.

Or washed up.

In this social-media-fueled comparative culture, your self-image can get distorted like a carnival fun house mirror. And suddenly you find yourself thinking no one loves you… no one wants you… and no one ever will. 

You’re reminded of it on the regular. 

Holidays. 

Weddings. 

Valentine’s Day.

*sigh*

You know what flowers (and fancy chocolates and fine fragrances) do? They make us feel noticed, cherished, wanted... wonderful. It's not really the swag we crave; it's the kindness, care, and crazy-about-you vibes. Not the expense, but the esteem.

I read once that there are only two things in life we really long for.

Security and significance.

Every single one of us wants to feel safe and special. We want to be protected and prized. If we're completely honest, we are all quite desperate for attention, affirmation, affection. 

We ache to be fully known… and fully loved.

We want somebody to tell us we matter, notice beauty in us, talk sweetly to us, listen and truly hear us. Someone trustworthy to unburden ourselves - bare our souls - to. Someone who will uplift and refresh us, comfort and console us. When we're lovable and lovely... and when we're aggravating or altogether ugly. Someone who will look past what’s unbecoming and see the hidden exquisite. Someone who gets us, who's got our back, who'll help us become the best version of ourselves.  

Everybody needs somebody who'll be there for the long run, pacing us, cheering us, keeping us motivated/hydrated/hopeful, urging us onward... toward the finish line. (And then sticking around to hug and high-five us in the post-race party tent!)

Please, God, give me someone. Just one.

Someone who will never, ever leave. No matter what.

Someone who’s attentive and adoring.

Willing to hold us, help us, heal what’s broken in us. Willing to pour hope into our despair and drench our hearts in goodness and grace. 

That someone has written you into an epic story… and grown fields of wildflowers for you. That someone loves you so fiercely and boundlessly that...

He would die for you. (Already did, in fact.)

He's the love of your life... and ever after.

His name is Jesus.

Be His.

Long ago, even before he made the world, God chose us to be his very own through what Christ would do for us; he decided then to make us holy in his eyes, without a single fault—we who stand before him covered with his love. His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into his own family by sending Jesus Christ to die for us. And he did this because he wanted to!

Now all praise to God for his wonderful kindness to us and his favor that he has poured out upon us because we belong to his dearly loved Son. So overflowing is his kindness toward us that he took away all our sins through the blood of his Son, by whom we are saved; and he has showered down upon us the richness of his grace—for how well he understands us and knows what is best for us at all times.  (Ephesians 1:4-8, TLB)

God is the one you’ve been searching for. His is the love you crave. 

It’s a love so deep and so divine that your mortal mind can’t grasp it.

But it’s fully and forever yours.

It doesn’t depend one iota on your _______ (fill-in-the-blank). Because it doesn’t depend on you.

It’s unconditional and irrevocable.

Hard to believe, yes.

But…

Believe it anyway. 

(Because it’s true.)

And then… only then… will you begin to feel it.

… And may you be able to feel and understand, as all God’s children should, how long, how wide, how deep, and how high his love really is; and to experience this love for yourselves, though it is so great that you will never see the end of it or fully know or understand it. And so at last you will be filled up with God himself. (Ephesians 3:18-19, NLT)

God loved you from the beginning. And loves you still. So much so that he sent his son to your rescue (and mine). 

For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son. Whoever puts his trust in God’s Son will not be lost but will have life that lasts forever. (John 3:16, NLV)

God sent his son on a daring rescue mission. His son came to help, heal, serve, give everything he had. He took on our baggage and bad deeds, endured our (death) sentence… and gave us life. A full, free, forever life drenched in his divine love. 

That’s the love you were made for. (Me, too.)

Believe it.

Receive it.

For I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can’t, and life can’t. The angels won’t, and all the powers of hell itself cannot keep God’s love away. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, or where we are—high above the sky, or in the deepest ocean—nothing will ever be able to separate us from the love of God demonstrated by our Lord Jesus Christ when he died for us. (Romans 8:38-39,  TLB)

(And when the enemy of your soul tries to convince you otherwise, tell that liar to go to hell.)

Jesus loves you to death. 

And nothing can separate you from that love. 

Not who you are, what you’ve done, where you’ve been or how you feel.

Here’s how Eugene Peterson put it in The Message translation of the Bible:

So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture…

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us. (Romans 8:38-39, MSG)

Now that’s true love.

And if you open your heart to receive it, it’s yours. 

Forever.

Amen.

Text copyright © 2026 by Wendy Beth Holtz